After looking at surgical reports, taking my last labor and birth into consideration, and all the factors in between, I have made the very educated and hard decision to opt for a scheduled cesarean this time around. I think one of the biggest statements, and ideas that has remained in my head through all of this was my midwifes speculation on my pelvis. And the more I think about Camden, and Ben’s births, the more I think that there very well may be a malformation that doesn’t allow my babies to get down into the pelvis. Neither ever made it, and there is little hope this one would either.
With the damage done by the two surgeries, one NICU stay, two emotional recoveries, and serious lack of support after my first son, I know that I can make things different this time around. Do I want to have another cesarean? No. Not at all, I never wanted to have one, or even two… it was just the cards that I was dealt. Do I want to plan to have a scheduled delivery after bitching about other people doing it for years? No.
This situation I am facing has a number of medical reasons. And if I felt like there wasn’t going to be hundreds of people picking the reasons apart, I would certainly share them more openly. Unfortunately in recent weeks, it seems like internet harassment over medical choices that peaked, and it is something I am not going to deal with.
I have opted to go to the backup OB/GYN’s that my personal midwives I used last time around have. And my midwife from Benjamin has signed on to be with me for my surgery, and postpartum time in the hospital as my doula, which means the world to me since I lost Karen (My doula) a year ago unexpectedly. It makes me know my experience will be more comfortable, and I will have not only my husband, but her with me, two people I trust very much to help my experience.
I will be writing a positive cesarean birth plan over the next couple months in a real attempt to make this not only a Family Centered Cesarean, but a positive experience for all of us.
Am I dreading the recovery? Yes, I am scared to death.
After my first c-section, I had a newborn I was able to lay and rest with all day. Breastfeed in my bed, and change his diaper right there also.
With my second c-section, my husband was home and able to help me through my recovery. I laid in bed for weeks, not only in pain, but an emotional wreck from a failed VBAC.
This time around, I will have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn to take care of after the surgery with little help. It is scary!